Why I am not who I was

I keep getting told that I have changed a lot in the last couple of years. 

At first I want to be defensive. I don’t feel different, my values are still what they always were. I want to tell you that you are wrong, but I think you might be right. 

With any honest reflection, absolutely right. I actually wonder if I would recognize myself if I were to jump ahead a couple of years. I began writing these posts when I first started processing this change, and aptly used in my description “sometimes I am surprised by what I think” … now I am often surprised, maybe more often than not.

I have changed. Life has changed me, Learning has changed me. Amazing friends and challenging people have changed me. Study has changed me and teaching has changed me. Most pointedly, the world has changed me. Questionable leaders endorsed, political partisanship in institutional church, ignored increasing poverty, inequality, failure to care and horrendous policy outright defended by people I once looked up to, the state of the world made ignorance no longer a viable option.  The world changed me. People’s indifference and impotent Christianity pushed me over the edge. 

Ultimately it drove me to seek answers and led me to encounter God in way that is what has truly changed me. I feel like I was pushed over and landed at the feet of Jesus. Knowing Him more, helping me to recognize him in the face of others, and that has forever changed everything. 

Yes I have changed, profoundly, deeply and continually.  Yes it forced me to revisit and reassess myself. My theology. My attitudes. My heart. It hurt. It hurts. Most times I open my eyes and see things I wish I could unsee. But once you see, it can’t be undone. Once you feel, it can’t be reversed, once you hear the cries of the oppressed you cannot look the other way and be comfortable again. 

My prayer is that everyone would encounter the God that leads us to see the world differently. That we would see Jesus. Realize we see him in the face of others. Awake o sleeper. 


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